Trying to figure out how many times I live….Was it only Once? That seems rather important. It’s amazing how many times I can forget… I don’t feel like I’m getting older. I’m simply dying, like everything else. I just happen to be getting closer now. This shouldn’t make me feel like I’m old. In years until I’m dead, I’m younger than I’ve ever been. If this isn’t the time to be reckless, then when is?

Drink shots at the bar too late – because the cute bartender pushes them over to you with her fingertips while no one is looking. Keep drinking. Even though that voice is telling you that nothing good comes after this. Nothing good that you’ll remember. Shes a bartender, after all. You’ve learned things about that. But you order another. And not ‘one more’.

There was a point to all this- you’re sure, but you’ve lost the point before. It’s about remembering that now. The thousand little points that make the picture. All of them dying too. Like you. But not from way back here…there’s no imperfection here…it’s rather beautiful. There’s her fingertips again. You look down to see them because you were probably staring at her – or maybe saying something.

She tells you you look like Dave Groehl. You’ve had plenty of practice but you still don’t say ‘I’ve heard that’ right. You tell her she looks like the cute one from How I Met Your Mother. She likes that. Keep that one in mind in case you ever meet the identical girl in the future. You’re sharing things with her. You have to try to remember what’s being said. You’ll probably talk to her again. But you’ll probably be OK tonight..

When you wake up, you wonder whether ignoring that voice…the one that said you should go home – made you feel like a kid again…or an old man…trying to feel like a kid again – Wonder why you’d think that – Remember when you didn’t think about those things. You forget it was because you always just trusted your older self to have it all figured out by now. But your head is pounding either way. And apprehensive as the picture of last night draws near.

Now open your eyes. Are you alone?