I’m listening to Dave Matthews, who I used to hate on principal, but had never listened to. It’s just one’s duty to hate the douchebags. I forget to check for myself if he was a douchebag or not.
I’ve done that a lot. Assumed some knowledge I don’t have because other ignorant people seem to know something. But nothing says they’re not douchebags too. In fact, I’ll say they are and I am too.
Humans are interesting creatures.
Always preferring to choose what is easy over what is hard.
It’s impossible to be surrounded by these creatures the whole of ones life, and to be one of these very same creatures, and not understand the decisions one faces and the desire to choose the easy path oneself, and not see clearly that the majority of those in ones company, have faced and chosen similarly.
And maybe even to suppose that the easy choice is in fact, the righteous choice.
Until, perhaps, those decisions lead where they most often do, and worse decisions made to assuage them and worse again until one is left to wonder if the weight of ones own human condition is enough to flatten one where one stands.
Better to live your first 50 years in hell. So that your future might stand a chance against the past. But no real need to do such a thing. Your future can never win. Your past had more time. More possibilities. And more youth. Infinite youth to your everyday before today. Your every, finger snapping, instant.
Less young. Less young. Less young.
You can’t compete with that as you can’t win against a stacked deck. The key is to realize that fact. To play the game with that knowledge. Getting up from the table is not an option.
You have to best the house.
The first 10 years of my life were a nightmare..at least the parts I can remember…like most nightmares it stays in your memory in some parts vivid detail in some parts lost feelings – feelings of dread behind hidden words – hidden images. And so it was that my teens were like a slow, dull and fearful awakening and my 20s, my teens. When I was 35, I was 25 and one day I was 45 but that number remained a lie. In the world, I was 10 years younger than that at the least and for always having been 10 years behind, I was also lost…in some ways still asleep – but of course we are all still asleep – or maybe we wake up one day…for some that day might even be now but for me no doubt that day is still 10 years away.
